What To Do When Your Inner Child Has ADD: Discover The Real Reason You Can't Focus
What To Do When Your Inner Child Has ADD: Discover The Real Reason You Can’t Focus
And take these 3 steps to stop bouncing around and find more flow.
Now, where did I put my scissors? Oh, that’s right, they’re in the laundry from when I started my Flower Pressing project on Sunday.
I enter the laundry to find flower petals everywhere, evidence of the half-finished flower pressing project. I make a mental note to keep the laundry door closed so my husband doesn’t see.
I spot the scissors sitting inconspicuously next to the pile of unfinished ironing.
I might make a start on that. It won’t take me too long; it’ll be good to get to it out of the way.
I’m halfway through the pile of ironing when I suddenly slam the iron down so hard the ironing board collapses.
What am I thinking?! I don’t have time for this! I need to finish wrapping my nephew’s birthday present. After all, that’s why I came into the laundry…to get these scissors.
After putting the ironing board back up I quickly scuttle back to the spare room and find myself having to strategically tiptoe through the wrapping paper I’ve left strewn across the floor.
I really need to organise this. Oh. I have that spare archive box in the garage, I could put all the wrapping paper in there…Such a good idea!
I make my way to the garage with an air of accomplishment. It feels so good to be getting organised.
There’s the box, sitting behind the unused mini trampoline that’s supposed to be good for lymphatic drainage.
I must bounce on that later.
As I dodge the mini-tramp, I catch a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye. The bag of new ornaments for my fairy garden.
I hear the feint echo of my husband’s judgemental voice on my shoulder…
“Those fairies are in danger of being strangled by ivy…I should call Fairy Protection Services”
The visual of a fairy strangulated by overgrown ivy fills me with terror and I grab the secateurs from the workbench and head out to the fairy garden immediately.
The fairies are not happy.
I apologise profusely to the fairies as I prune back the life-threatening ivy. Phew. Fairy crisis averted. I wonder when I’ll have time to add my new ornaments, but I can’t be worried about that now.
I head back to the garage to drop off the secateurs and then make my way back to the spare room.
I must get this present wrapped.
As I re-enter the room I slip on a piece of wrapping paper and go sliding across the room, landing with a thud.
Ouch.
Shit.
I forgot that’s why I went to the garage...to get the box.
I realise that this has now become a matter of health and safety and not just about clever organisation solutions.
I’m lying flat on my back when my Golden Retriever Rupert wanders in and hovers over me, lowering his slobbery nose an inch away from my face. No doubt he’s come to find out what all the commotion is. He starts nudging me.
Aww…that’s so adorable, he wants to confirm I’m still alive.
Then I realise that he’s nudging me because he wants to go for the walk I promised him a few hours ago.
Sigh.
I promise him we’ll go once I’ve finished wrapping this present.
Rupert circles around a few times crumpling the scattered sheets of wrapping paper with his over-grown paw nails before plonking himself down heavily right on top of them.
On the downside, all that wrapping paper is now unusable, but the upside is I don’t need the archive box anymore.
Could I use those secateurs to clip his nails?
No! No! I don’t have time to clip his nails now. I return to wrapping the present.
Must focus.
What the hell is that beeping sound?
Where’s it coming from?
Is that an alarm?
I try to focus on finishing wrapping the present but I simply can’t take the beeping anymore. I need to investigate. I leave the spare room and listen closely... it’s coming from the laundry!
The iron! I’ve left it switched on! Argh! The unfinished ironing…
Is this scene familiar to you?
This is what I call a ‘Bounce’ day. You know, one of those days when you just seem to spend your entire day bouncing around from one task to another. You can’t stay focused on finishing anything. You get engaged in a task and then you ‘bounce’ off to the next one.
And the worst part is, you can see yourself doing it and it drives you C.R.A.Z.Y.
I’ve been a victim of my own bouncing for a long time now. And I’ve devoted half my life to seeking answers to these questions:
Why do I bounce? How can I stop bouncing?
After the latest bout of bouncing, I decided to take a different approach. I decided to bounce right past my entire bookshelf of books on ADD, focus, productivity, and time management and go straight to the source.
Mr. Bounce.
Thank-you Roger Hargreaves!
Image from: https://mrmen.com/
I open to the first page:
Mr. Bounce was very small and like a rubber ball.
He just couldn’t keep himself on the ground!
He bounced all over the place!
And, as you can imagine, that made things rather difficult.
Oh, Mr. Bounce, I hear you. I hear you.
I began to get very excited. Filled with anticipation that Mr. Bounce was going to have all the answers, I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough. Mr. Bounce was going to be my savior! A few more pages in:
“This is ridiculous” Mr. Bounce thought to himself, rubbing his head. “I must do something to stop all this bouncing about.”
He thought and he thought.
“I know,” he thought. “I’ll go and see the doctor!”
Interesting. That’s a good takeaway already. Mr. Bounce is not afraid to seek professional help for his condition.
I read on.
The suspense of what medical advice could be curative for irrepressible bouncing is palpable.
This is going to be gold.
Mr. Bounce then endures all number of humiliating bounce-induced calamities on the way to see his doctor. (Yes, Mr. Bounce is truly on a Hero’s Journey).
He then finally bounces (literally of course) into Dr. Makeyouwell’s office.
Warning, Spoiler Alert.
After Mr. Bounce explains his predicament, Dr. Makeyouwell gives it some thought, goes over to his medicine cabinet and then hands Mr. Bounce a pair of tiny red boots. Heavy boots.
Genius!
My mind instantly completes a comprehensive metaphysical analysis of the solution and confirms the problem. Of course! Mr. Bounce is ungrounded. He needs a solid foundation. He needs to feel safe. He needs to connect to Earth. He needs support. Oh poor Mr. Bounce…he probably had a very unstable mother, perhaps his dad worked in some high-level job that meant he had to relocate a lot as a kid…
The irony of my mind bouncing away from reading Mr. Bounce is not lost on me and I continue to read the end of the story.
And then…
Image from: https://mrmen.com/
Twist!
It turns out (another spoiler alert) that the red boots weren’t the solution after all. Yes, the boots bring some stability back to Mr. Bounce’s life and yes, he gets a good night’s sleep. But the next morning he falls through his bedroom floorboards due to the heaviness of his tiny red boots!
And that’s the end!
Based on some valuable insights, I decide that I’ll list Mr. Bounce in my Gratitude Diary for that day, BUT I can’t lie. Ultimately, he’s disappointed me.
I’m back to the drawing board.
But then I realise that Mr. Bounce’s failure to provide me with solid answers is a gift. Because it forces me to remember that I might just have the answer to my bouncing in the last place I’d look…within me.
I remember to consult THE MOST reputable source on the matter.
My Inner Child.
Why, oh why do I forget to ask her? As the embodiment of my mysterious subconscious, it is she who has all the answers, the root causes, and reasons for every one of my seemingly irrational habitual patterns of behaviour! If anyone is going to know why I have this habit of bouncing, it’s her.
I ask my Inner Child the simple question:
Why do we bounce?
To find the right thing to do.
She answers me in such a straight-forward and nonsensical way with such an obvious and logical answer, it’s humbling to say the least.
A lot of pennies start to drop. It’s so obvious! I bounce when I don’t know the right thing to be doing! All of my bouncing days flash before my eyes and I can see it so clearly. Whenever I’m not clear on what I want to do, what I need to do or what my priorities are, I bounce. Yes, I’m ungrounded, but I’m also unclear and uncommitted.
It occurs to me that I know this. I know that I need to be clear and to prioritise effectively. It’s not like I’ve learned nothing from all those productivity books.
So, what’s the deal? If I know this, why does my Inner Child drive me insane with this ADD, which by the way, seems to get worse when I try to make her focus or prioritise.
So, I ask my Inner Child the next logical question:
Why do we need to bounce to find the right thing to do?
To make your mind go loose.
Oh wow. Bouncing appears when I become mentally rigid, when I insist on doing certain things and when I doggedly attach to a to-do list. When I try to MAKE myself focus or FORCE myself to be productive. When I SET PRIORITIES according to what I SHOULD do. All without listening to my Inner Child. I haven’t consulted her on what she wants to do or what she feels like doing.
It’s so simple. My Inner Child wants to me to break out of mental rigidity. In fact, she breaks me out of mental rigidity by bouncing. By exploring, experimenting, and playing. I haven’t tuned in to sense the right thing to be doing and she’s helping me find out what I want to do by engaging the senses. By feeling into a task or activity, I can get direct feedback about what I feel like doing and what is the best thing for me to be doing according to my mood, energy levels and what works best with Universal timing.
But, how often do you judge the bounce? Do you see it as scattered, chaotic, and unproductive? As a sign you’re procrastinating or avoiding things? Do you blame yourself for not being able to focus? Do you assume that there must be something wrong with you?
I might not be as qualified as Dr. Makeyouwell, but my Inner Child has provided me with some really helpful guidelines which you might like to try out the next time you experience a Bounce Day or a Bounce Moment, or even if you find yourself beating yourself up for bouncing.
3 Steps to Manage your ADD
1) Trust the Bounce Serves a Purpose
The Bounce is OK. Stop judging or resisting it. It is not a character flaw. It’s not a learning disability. There is nothing wrong with you. You need to remember that this behaviour is showing up for a good reason. It is serving a purpose. It is trying to get a need met.
2) Identify the Purpose it is Serving for You.
Listen without judging, assuming or resisting. Ask your Inner Child why she is bouncing. This is all about seeing your Inner Child’s urge to bounce as a signal. What does she need?
It could be to:
break out of rigidity (as in the case of my Inner Child)
reorganise priorities
eliminate a ‘should’ from the to-do list
re-schedule a task to find better timing
take a mental break
feel into a task to see whether you have the energy for it
the need to stop and ground or tune in to yourself
3) Use the Bounce to your Advantage.
Once you know the reason you’re bouncing, you can use it to your advantage. It no longer has to be something you have to ‘battle’ or ‘overcome.’ It can be a useful tool to assist you. You can work with your Inner Child to achieve flow. You can make the proactive choice necessary to meet your needs.
AND, the best part about this is that no resistance or self-judgement is necessary. Phew!
Here’s a challenge for you. The next time you find yourself bouncing, stop and follow these three steps. See what happens. Be curious. I hope they work for you and your Inner Child. But if not, don’t worry, you could always buy yourself a cool pair of red boots. Just to bounce around in.
PS. I’d love to hear what your Inner Child has to say about why you bounce, let me know here belinda@essenceradiance.com
This blog is dedicated to the great Barbara Sher, without whose books I’d be forever in a bouncing wasteland. Thank-you.