SELF-CARE NEWS FLASH #1: You don’t live in a vacuum.

Nope.

You’re out there in the real world.

Every single day.

You have responsibilities, obligations, chores!

You must contend with life. Children, partners, pets, family, work, clients, money, wine, media, social media, chocolate, green shopping bags, emotional baggage, green smoothies…they just keep coming at you.

Never mind ‘Where is the Love?’, ‘Where is the F@$^ing SPACE?’

How do you care for yourself even when you have no time, space or energy?

The thing is, just because you are in service to others, swayed by external pressures, haunted by personal baggage and distracted by EVERYTHING, your own needs do not go away.

Sure, you can de-prioritise them, forget about them, or even ignore them, but they don’t go away.

Like a bad horror movie your disowned needs turn into a Zombie that refuses to die and will simply start attacking you with overwhelm, exhaustion, symptoms and illness.

You can’t live in a vacuum, but you can live in a Bliss Bubble.

You just need to change the way you have always looked at self-care.

For example, when you shift your perception of self-care from being ‘time-focused’ to ‘energy-focused’ everything can change.

You can give up the game of trying to find time, competing for time, or depending on time.

A game you will probably never win.

Instead, you can focus on energy. On your energy. On your energy flow. And your own energy field. This amazing field in which you create and feel SPACE and which can provide a constant and unending supply of life force energy which fuels your joy, your wellness and your sanity.

SELF-CARE NEWS FLASH #2: ‘Go To’ People need something to ‘Go To’

Let me take a wild guess.

You’re a Carer, Fixer or Empath who struggles to look after yourself because you’re too busy looking after everybody else.

You’re also someone who people turn to for help, you listen to problems, carry an emotional load and dish out wise advice. You’re a ‘Go To’ Person.

But when you’re a ‘Go To’ person, who do you Go To?  

You’ve probably realised how much you give to everyone else, and you’ve probably made some efforts to restore your own energy. But you notice that whenever you do take time out for yourself you either sabotage it or you end up feeling guilty.

And this is a very real pickle.

Because you’ve backed your self-care into a ‘caring corner.’

But no matter what you do you remain a GIVER who feels DEPRIVED.

And it is IMPOSSIBLE for you not to give. I mean, this pickle is REAL. A child could die or be left indefinitely at a bus stop if you don’t give.

So, what to do?

You are the ‘Heart of the Home’ and not giving is not an option.  

You just need to change the way you have always approached self-care.

For example, when you break out of the ‘either/or’ thinking of the divided mind that sees ‘care for self’ in conflict with ‘care for other’s’ and adopt a Heart-based inclusive approach that sees ‘care for self’ encompassed in the ‘care for others’ everything can change.    

You can give up the game of ‘care for me’ OR ‘care for them’.  

A game you will probably never win.

Instead, you can make it ‘care for me AND them’ and focus on building self-care into your lifestyle. On making it second nature. On building your reserves of energy so that it can flow to others. You own your role as the ‘Heart of the Home’ (or group, work team, or role) and recognise that all the love and care you GIVE to yourself is what enables you to hold space and GIVE to others.

SELF-CARE NEWS FLASH #3: Self-Care is more than a tick-box exercise.

Humour me.

Take a look in your garage or attic, or your junk room and let me know if you find any of these items…

Mini-trampoline. Mindfulness colouring book. Zumba Fitness Belt (for Zumba Wii). Juicer. Outdated coconut oil. A Marie Kondo book. Macrame-making kit.

So, you’ve found a graveyard for your self-care good intentions.

But before you feel shame...

I ask you to reconsider it as a shrine.

A shrine of evidence of your enthusiasm.   

It is evidence of how badly you want to feel good. How much you want to connect with your lost Inner Child. How desperate you are to find a fulfilling ‘down-time’ activity that doesn’t involve swiping or scrolling.  

Do you intend, plan or start a self-care activity and then simply run. out. of. steam.?   

 You may have identified your need for self-care a long time ago.

And you may have made some progress.

You go to Yoga.

You eat Sauerkraut.

You have a divider in your Undies drawer.

But something still seems amiss.

You don’t do these things consistently, or sometimes you don’t feel like doing them (and you feel guilty) and sometimes they just don’t seem to make a difference to how you feel.

When you finally do get to the self-care promised land, you’re frankly a little disappointed that it doesn’t look like the brochure.

And you feel a little disheartened and wonder about the point of it all. 

Self-care must deliver real care to your real self in real time.

You just need to change the way you have always performed self-care.

When you stop performing the self-care activities that you ‘should’ do to care for yourself, everything can change.   

You can give up the game of ticking your self-care activities off the list.  

A game in which you never actually get the results you want.  

Effective self-care is the self-care that hits the sides. The self-care that changes your vibration, your energy levels. That nourishes and sustains you. It is a way of life.

Real self-care is fluid and flexible.

It arises spontaneously when you have a strong and loving connection with your Inner Child, your Body and your Heart.

It’s not about gorging on ‘soul food’ or following someone else’s self-care recipe.

Instead, you can focus on strengthening your inner relationship. You can focus on being in-tune with yourself. Being able to listen to your self and make choices based upon what you hear.

You ensure that everything you do and the way you do it actually nourishes you.