THREE WAYS YOUR INNER CHILD CAN HELP YOU USE YOUR INTUITION TO MAKE BETTER DECISIONS
And It Starts by Understanding the Real Reason for Your Indecision
“What you would you like me to cook you for dinner?” asks my beloved husband as we stand in the middle of the crowded food hall at the market on Saturday morning.
“I’d love some fish” I answer.
“Nope, we’re not having that. What do you really want?”
Jaw drops. I’m speechless.
“Come on, we haven’t got all day. Tell me what you want.” he snaps.
And there it is. On an ordinary Saturday morning in the process of grocery shopping. A momentous occasion. For once in my life, I have the perfect back-in-your-box comeback. The type of clever one-liner that you usually only think of afterwards, kicking yourself that you didn’t say it at the time.
“No, I really love it when you ask me what I want and then proceed to dismiss it.” I calmly respond.
I don’t mean to be a smart ass. It just happens. And surprisingly our discussion doesn’t spiral into a nasty tit-for-tat squabble. Instead, my husband, to his credit, looks at me with a profound awareness of what he’s just done and an obvious sense of remorse.
Rather than bitterness or contempt, my response has arisen from a genuine place of sadness and disappointment. Because I’m realising, perhaps for the first time, that these types of exchanges, where my choice is completely dismissed, have been occurring my entire life. They are such a part of my makeup that I don’t even notice them happening.
But today I notice.
And so does he.
It’s a turning point.
I’ve spent a considerable amount of my life beating myself up for my indecisiveness and a frustrating inability to listen to my intuition. Can you relate? Do you find it difficult to ‘tune in’ to your needs and decide what you want?
Well, what if your indecision has come about because you’ve become so accustomed to having your internal impulses and bodily needs dis-regarded, over-ridden or ignored?
This is the revelation I have in the middle of the market. I realise that so often, I do know what I want, or I do make a choice, it’s just that my rational mind seems to ‘bat it away’ so quickly I barely notice.
I also realise that when my husband dismisses my choices, he is merely reflecting back to me what I’m doing to myself all the time. Yikes!
I decide to ask my Inner Child for advice, asking the simple question:
Why don’t I listen to you when making decisions?
You always find a reason we can’t have what we want.
I’m a little defensive upon hearing this and want to ‘find a reason’ she’s wrong! I swallow my pride and ask for an example.
You have all these rules. You ask me what I want to eat all the time and then you tell me we can’t have it. Too many carbs. Not enough protein. Too much fruit. That’s bad food combining. Should be more Keto. Should be more Vego. Blah Blah Blah.
I’m blown away by how quickly I can think of examples of how I over-ride my Inner Child’s natural food choices due to something I’ve read or some ‘expert’ advice I’ve received.
Suddenly it’s all so obvious. The Inner Child doesn’t care about being a Vegan or following a Keto diet, these are things the Mind attaches to.
My Inner Child reminds me that she (the body) doesn’t subscribe to theories, doctrines and dogma. In fact, she could care less about the rules.
The body truly lives beyond labels.
The Inner Child has a great deal to teach you about emotional honesty, which is the most crucial aspect of intuitive decision-making. You must know how you feel about something without judging it. Your Inner Child is the caretaker of the needs and impulses that exist beneath and beyond the mind’s rules about what is ‘acceptable.’
She will always tell you what she really wants in a very honest and direct way. Such as “I want fish for dinner.” But if your mind judges this as ‘wrong’ or in conflict with a ‘rule’ then it is dismissed or ignored.
Think about it, when was the last time you met a wishy washy 3-year-old?
Kids don’t mince words. And that’s because they have no filter. They haven’t ‘learned’ to apply etiquette or rules to their feelings yet. Until we teach them.
Can you recall genuinely needing or wanting something and this desire being judged, ignored, dismissed or over-ridden? And when it was, did you decide that you were wrong for having the need or want?
You learned to silence your own feelings and needs.
And now this is how you subtly betray your Inner Child. You ask her for her input on a decision, and then quickly dismiss her needs as unacceptable, irrational, or invalid. And then you go on to pressure her for a more suitable or ‘acceptable’ answer.
And what do you get? Indecision. Confusion. Vagueness.
You also get Acquiescing. Over-compromising. People-Pleasing.
After a while your Inner Child gives up. She won’t speak up. And why would she? She’s only going to get shot down with another judgement.
And then you’re annoyed with yourself that you can’t make a decision and or tap into your intuition. What a cycle!
The good news is - your intuition, your decision is always there. It’s clear, concise, and certain. And it doesn’t go away. It doesn’t require developing or improving. It just requires being listened to. It just requires you to stop ignoring it. It requires you to stop judging it. It requires you to stop enforcing rules that overrule it!
The intuition, the realm of the Inner Child, doesn’t operate according to the same logic as the mind. It doesn’t care what the rules are. It only cares how it feels and what its needs are. The real reason for your indecision is not your lack of intuitive clarity. It is failing to listen to your Inner Child because you’re too busy judging her with rules that don’t apply to her.
When you ask your intuition to guide you, you can’t allow the mind to start ‘ruling over’ or ‘ruling out’ the information that begins flowing to you. It just doesn’t work.
Here’s three steps you can use to work with your Inner Child and use your intuition to make better decisions:
1) Attend to the Need Instead of the Judgement.
Good decisions meet needs and address problems. When a genuine impulse relating to a need arises, you have a choice. You can choose to attend to the Mind and its rules and judgement, or you can choose to attend to your need. Always attend to the need. Your Inner Child must feel heard. The need must be addressed. Full stop.
2) Cultivate Compassionate Curiosity.
Your Inner Child has much to tell you. Learn to listen to her in a state of innocence, neutrality, and compassionate curiosity. Don’t make assumptions, jump to conclusions, or second-guess what she’s saying. Zip it!
3) Use the Mind to Discern and Choose.
While your Inner Child knows what she needs, it’s up to the Mind, the Inner Parent, to make the right choice to address the need. This is the right use of the Mind. Rather than ‘ruling over’ or ‘ruling out,’ it is listening, discerning, and choosing. What is the choice of action that will address your Child’s need? What decision is this intuition really guiding you towards?
Here is one challenge you can set yourself tomorrow. Ask your Inner Child for her input into a decision. Whether it is what to have for breakfast or what to wear. Notice if you feel tempted to judge her choice or over-rule her, but let the urge go and allow her to guide you to a clear and firm decision. Enjoy!
