Why self-care is overwhelming…
As I sat in the course listening to the teacher talk about the importance of the Inner Child, I noticed a wave of uncomfortable tension begin to move across the room. My attention moved to a middle-aged woman sitting at the back of the class. As the teacher spoke, this woman appeared to become increasingly agitated. Most of the class began shifting uncomfortably in their seats as she started to challenge the teacher in a manner that bordered on hostility.
It was perplexing to me, and no doubt the teacher and the rest of the class. What could this woman find so offensive about the concept of the Inner Child?
Eventually the teacher gave her an opportunity to air her grievance.
She let rip.
“I already have FIVE children to take care of! Not to mention my husband – who is also a child! I’m sorry, but what you’re asking is just too much! I’m way too exhausted to care for ANOTHER CHILD!! I’M NOT DOING IT!!”
This exasperation might ring true for you.
I already take care of everybody else. Looking after myself too, well, that would just be…overwhelming.
It’s curious, isn’t it? That the mere suggestion of self-care should be the straw to break the camel’s back. That the idea of a self-care activity is automatically met with a sense of resistant heaviness, your mind going into overdrive with a plethora of excuses. Don’t have time. Can’t afford it. I’m too busy.
I’ve witnessed every form of resistance to self-care imaginable. And yet, self-care is the very thing that is necessary for your healing, vitality and peace of mind.
Overcoming any symptom…your exhaustion, your stress, your hormonal imbalance, your allergies your insomnia…none of it can be addressed without making an adjustment to the way you care for yourself.
And yet self-care can feel so time-consuming, so overwhelming, so challenging to your engrained co-dependent coping mechanisms, that it all just feels too hard.
And so, the resistance continues.
Breaking down this resistance is the key to your health and healing. To enable you to make the changes that bring you the peace, happiness, growth and evolution you desire.
Breaking down the resistance to self-care
Your self-care is simple.
Caring for everybody else to the point you become disconnected from yourself is hard.
When your Inner Child (Body) is forced ‘take a number’ and wait while you attend to your kids, your partner, your parents, your job, your boss and your clients first, it’s not surprising that by the time your attention gets to your Inner Child (if it ever does), you’re just too exhausted and overwhelmed to deal.
So, yes, at the start, being asked to take responsibility for yourself, to care for yourself, can feel overwhelming. It can feel like just another thing to do. Another chore. Another ‘mouth to feed’.
But this is because the order of things has been out of whack all along.
So what now?
It’s clearly time to stop deprioritising your self-care. Based on the very logical assumption that if you are to get ANY of things you claim to want – a healthy body, better sleep, some time to yourself, the ability to pursue a passion or hone a talent, nurturing and fulfilling relationships – you will need to prioritise or at least value your own needs.
But alas this logic isn’t enough!
You need to understand some of the deeper and perhaps irrational fears that lie beneath your self-care resistance, such as:
Putting my needs first is selfish
Caring for myself will equate to the neglect of others
Self-care means finding time to do things
I’ll disappoint / displease / disturb others
Others will reject / criticise / punish me
I’ll become lazy / self-indulgent / inconsiderate / uncaring
I'll have to become an Instagram Narcissist and start filming myself taking trips to a day spa
These fears are valid. You need to handle them with care and lovingly dismantle them or else they will continue to feed your self-care resistance.
In other words, you can’t afford to stay scared of your self-care.
Your healing, health and vitality requires your attention. You must attend to your own body and its signals. Your physical, mental and emotional health depends on it.
Ignoring yourself, your inner child and your own needs is no longer an option. It’s way too costly.
Don’t expect taking self-responsibility to be easy (to start with).
Know that it will be overwhelming when you start listening to your Inner Child.
That’s OK. This kid has been ignored for decades.
Be prepared. There’s going to be going to be tears, tantrums and outbursts. Your Inner Child could be a real Chucky Doll.
You’re going to wish you never started paying attention! You’re going to realise that it’s probably easier to look after your five kids. Hell, looking after your husband in the throes of man-flu will seem like a walk in the park compared to the responsibility of truly listening to your needy inner self.
But stick with it.
Trust that it gets better. It gets lighter. Because as you tend to your self-connection, you find yourself enjoying the benefits of source-connection. And when you’re in the flow of source energy, all caring, whether it’s for yourself or others, is effortless.
Want to learn a simple self-care skill?
Self-testing is a fun and friendly way to get started on your self-care journey. It is a practical skill you can use to connect with yourself and your needs without over-thinking, over-engineering or making it a chore.
If you often sabotage your self-care by waiting for that illusive spare time, assuming you need to become a meditation expert or expecting yourself to become a fully qualified nutritionist – think again. With self-testing the focus is on developing a relationship with yourself that lays the foundation for caring for yourself so that your body is no longer an after-thought and self-care becomes second-nature.
JULY 12th & 13th in BLACKWOOD