It should be simple to be your true self, shouldn't it?
However, you've been conditioned to value effort within a paradigm that has you working hard to earn things, struggling to feel deserving, and constantly striving to improve. And so, you end up viewing your life purpose as a project to be completed - something that has to be achieved.
This way of viewing your life purpose is exactly why you might feel stuck.
It is possible to live in a way that honours your true nature, brings you meaning, purpose and joy and which doesn’t leave you feeling like you are not enough or there is something missing. Living your purpose can be effortless.
You’re probably used to blaming distractions for your lack of productivity. Instead of trying to eliminate distractions from your life, it’s time to understand the role distraction is playing for you. Is it possible that distractions are here to help you master your energy? To break a circuit of pressure, control or disempowerment. To stop DOING and PUSHING all the time and embrace the downtime you need to focus and be productive.
It’s so easy to forget when you’re in the intellectual pursuit of information that the body already knows the answer. The intellect is fumbling in the dark and playing catch-up while the body patiently waits for it to ‘discover’ its inner workings. It’s a total game-changer to realise that your ignorance is an illusion. To recognise that you are telling yourself that you don’t know, when the truth is, you do know.
““FAFF”
Informal•British
verb
spend time in ineffectual activity.
”we can’t faff around forever”
noun
a great deal of ineffectual activity.
”there was the usual faff of getting back to the plane””
Faffing about.
A delightful English saying.
Although it can lose its element of delight when my husband impatiently instructs me to ‘STOP FAFFING AROUND.’
Which he is known to do when I’m aimlessly deliberating about what to wear and/or have decided to cut my toenails or rearrange the kitchen cupboard prior to us needing leave the house to go somewhere.
What can I say? I’m a Faffer. An expert Faffer.
It’s weird because I can also be extremely organised, highly motivated, and super-productive.
But when a Faff-Attack hits, it hits hard.
I can’t make a decision to save my life – whether to wash my hair, what to wear, what to eat, what to tackle first on the to-do list…it all gets too much. I end up losing the will to brush my teeth and instead start purchasing unneeded consumer goods from Instagram advertisements.
Can you relate?
What is that all about?
I started out this year (as well as this email) wanting to be FAFF-FREE.
No more faffing. Faff no more!
I vowed to stop procrastinating. To stop being so wishy-washy. To stop wasting time.
I vowed to be decisive. Assertive. Efficient. Productive.
Well, 2024 is barely three weeks old and those vows have gone to shit.
I should’ve known this. Seen it coming.
This is energetic push-back - comprised of a rebellious tantrum, a stubborn refusal to participate in ANY task that might remotely lead to a productive outcome and a paralysing stand-off between you and your INNER FAFFER. That part of you that LOVES faffing. That NEEDS faffing.
Your INNER FAFFER has no interest in being driven, and ambitious or industrious. It could not care less about a completed to-do list item. It laughs in the face of an incomplete tax return. It is deadline-immune.
Your INNER FAFFER wants ZERO pressure and has no desire for an OUTCOME.
How ridiculous is that?
Err…
It is ridiculous, isn’t it?
I mean, we should all be pressuring ourselves to achieve outcomes, all the time, non-stop…
Right?
🤔
Hmm.
Are you having the second thoughts I’m having?
I’m thinking your INNER FAFFER could be kinda helpful. Kinda WHAT YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.
Your INNER FAFFER brings the gift of rest. The freedom to play, to daydream and imagine all the wonderful things you want to do with your life…the care-free ability to go where the mood takes you...
This is all sounding more and more like the DIVINE FEMININE to me. The YIN GODDESS you’ve been attending somatic workshops to commune with.
And yet…we’re trying to eliminate her! 😲
No wonder it’s not working. You know what happens when the Masculine tries to stamp out the Feminine….
You want flow?
It’s simple. You gotta get down with the faffing.
Faffing and floating about is the Yin to the Yang of action and productivity.
If you feel impatient and frustrated by your INNER FAFFER, you’re probably cursing it, you know, accusing it of being lazy and useless. STOP IT. You never liked it when your parents labelled you lazy and chastised you for resting on the couch – so stop doing it to yourself. Now.
Make it a choice to faff – so it doesn’t feel like it’s out of control. It’s a logical, common-sense approach to your energy. There is part of you that needs to be free. To float, to dream, to go wild. Embrace the benefits of faffing (relaxation, rejuvenation, creativity, space for inspiration to name a few) and ENJOY its necessary and fruitful place in the world. Completely trust that Faffing is part of you getting wherever you need to be.
Let the Faff in. And Let the Flow begin.
Being connected to your purpose, not your problems, allows healing to happen. You stay sick. You keep repeating stress cycles. You get stuck in survival mode. Because you’re fixated on fixing. Mistakenly believing that you’re broken. What if your healing journey is simply waiting for you to move to the next phase? To allow yourself to take the next evolutionary step. To embrace your purpose.
Allowing Negative Attitudes and Feelings to Happen
Positive thinking, it can really screw you over. When you’re in the middle of a meltdown how do you feel when someone tries to persuade you to look at the positive or to be positive? Do you thank them and say ‘yes you’re right, how silly of me, let’s chant an affirmation’? NO - you want to tell them to shut the $#@% up and shove their positivity where the sun definitely isn’t shining…
I was shit-scared of being 'stuck' and feeling powerless to change. I thought that being positive was where the 'power to change' was. I was wrong. Are you quick to 'see the silver lining' or move into 'action mode' when you've suffered a setback? Do you feel that you'll fall into a black hole if you admit to your negative feelings? And that you'll get stuck there? Do you believe you have to remain positive in order to change your circumstances?
Failing to celebrate your success, acknowledge your achievements and praise your efforts actually makes you MORE vulnerable to the opinions and judgements of others. If you do not heed your inner child’s perfectly natural need for attention and praise, it will quickly become dependent on the attention and praise of others.
Is There a Conflict Between Who You Think You Should Be and Who You Are?
A few issues ago we discussed healing the relationship between the mind and the body. We explored how we rely heavily on the ‘mind’ to determine our identity – our ‘idea’ of ourselves. It is usually the mind that ‘calls the shots’ and maintains our identity by dictating our choices, actions and behaviours. But the body and its senses, feelings and intuitions often has very different ideas about who and what we are. This difference of opinion can result in anything from a niggling source of dissatisfaction or discontentment to a full-blown inner conflict about our life purpose and choices.
